Water that’s not moving becomes stagnant. And if there’s not someone pouring into you, the pitcher gets dusty. A person is most satisfied and most useful when she is both giving and receiving. In marriage. In life. In friendship. With God too.

My constant companions were fears, not God. I convinced myself he was simply on vacation, out carrying someone else on that beach with all the footprints. My heart had shriveled, and my soul was as wrinkled.

I try not to be religious. That sounds stuck-up. Like you just follow rules. I read somebody once who said religion is man’s way to God. We make a list to follow that makes us good people in our own eyes, but we don’t take into account what God wants.

Ruthie was the first to tell me that God hadn’t abandoned me but was drawing me deeper, calling me out of the shallows, past the abyss, and into the current of his love and mercy. Yeah, right, I thought. God hadn’t asked me if I wanted to go deeper, and thank you very much, I liked the shallows. It’s easier to play when there’s no current. In the middle you lose your footing; you lose control. You lose.

I don’t know why people have to die, Son. I don’t think death was what God wanted. But it sure was part of somebody’s plan. I believe God is big enough and powerful enough to use it. There’s more going on here than we can see.

Clara had said to ask God for the truth. “Discover the truth about God, who He is, how He works, how much He loves. And then you’ll uncover the truth about yourself, your sin, the ways you displease God. The truth about your life is always better to know, even if it hurts.

God does hear what we pray. You don’t need a megaphone or a million people to get His attention. But the point of prayer is not to get what we want. Prayer changes the person who prays.

Prayer, at its most basic level, was surrender. Like Jesus in the garden, saying, “Not My will, but Yours, be done.

When you give voice to your fear, when you expose it, as vulnerable as that makes you, you give others the same permission. You give them courage to believe there’s more to life than cowering. You give hope. And my guess is, when you tackle your inner fears, you will eventually tackle what’s hold you back from who God intended you to be. Your fears lead you to who you really are.

And then a wave of peace washed over her and told her it wasn’t where she lived that mattered, but that she was walking with Him.